To find Mark on Facebook only AFTER he died makes me feel as though he had moved next door to me but I had never known. How easy would it have been to find him! For some reason, all his posts were public. He certainly was savvy enough to limit views if he had so desired. After all, he lived and breathed technology in a sense. It makes me very sad to discover how much he suffered and how I did not know anything about that. I always felt he would grow weary of being cross with me for a stupid political disagreement and then would make contact again... never would I have thought he would die at his age. Why not though? I had friends who died before they reached 30 and more than one...
Today in the bath, I had a very vivid vision of the act of dying. Of what it is like to be at the threshold as it were. I saw a deep gorge before me and I heard a voice telling me that I had to leap over it instantly or I would die... in other words, if you do not find the desire or courage to leap over it fast enough, you have no hope of returning to the living world. I never conceived of anything like this. It was a purely spontaneous vision, whatever its merits.
It kind of makes sense though. I think many people die because they cannot summon enough energy to continue to struggle. It happens particularly with those who have lost a loved one or live in severe pain. I know that, were it not for some very compelling responsibilities in the form of my daughter and my cats, I would been hard-pressed to keep up the struggle now. The pain gets worse and worse and mobility continues to diminish. Furthermore, I keep losing friends and loved ones to Death. I suppose there is some point when you see that more of the people for whom you care are on the other side of the veil and then, what keeps yiou here???
Still, I do want to hang onto life until I feel I have accomplished something of true value and I don't see any hope for my Cats should I throw in the towel. Although my daughter does not really NEED me any longer, I would spare her that pain of loss and moreover, I am very interested to see what she accomplishes in her life.
Thus, one has reasons to go on, even if the way is dim sometimes.
Thinking again about Mark, I realise that if ANY ONE could make contact with the living to prove life after death, it would be he. He was fascinated with magic and mathematics. I think the trick of it would be rooted in Maths somehow, rather like Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Whether or not he would bother to contact me after shutting down communication a few years ago, I do not know. Somehow, though, I feel he wished I would have contacted him again. As I grow older, my stubborn ability to insist upon keeping flames of old friendships alive diminishes... but I do feel I was right always to make those attempts. It is not a case of living in the past but simply of continuing to value everything that MATTERED at any point in time during ones life.
I think that is what some people do not understand. It is not that I am trying to drag them away from the present and to enforce some sort of past relationship. It is rather that these are the people who were important to me. It was they whom I loved and therefore always will love, although that love need not impinge upon any current relationship or life. I never comprehended how people can slam the door on their own past lives and loves. It does not make any sense to me.
So Mark, I'll be open on the astral plane. I used to spend a fair amount of time there or at least I tried to discipline my spirit to be able to travel outside this narrow sphere. It would be a great trick to have up my sleeve now when my body has been such a betrayer and has placed me in a prison of damaged flesh. Worth trying simply for that, I expect!
My daughter used to have great power to travel the astral plane. She told me how, when she was a child, she was able to visit her uncle's house. I too recall similar experiences during my childhood and even during adulthood but not for a very long time. I suppose I lost the discipline of it. Time to renew it.
I would be very interested to know if Mark finally has been forced to concede the existence of God as well. Such a literal mind but now all those limitations must have dissolved in death. He has to perceive whatever is universal and beyond human measurements.
About Me
- Valkyrie Hawk
- My name is Eugenia-Maria Martino de Conde. Freyashawk is the name under which I write game guides and play many games. I specialise in Northern mythology but my original academic background is in History and British Law. Mine is the view of an exile, a Swan-Maiden rather than a god. Not an exile from heaven (that would be arrogant), but an exile nonetheless. I have lived in La Jolla, Nepal, London, Southampton, Manhattan, Roma, Pennsylvania et alia but spiritually belong to no land. Thus the affiliation with the air, hawk and swan. A Valkyrie chooses heroes from the slain. Walking among the dead is disconcerting. My greatest loves are my daughter and my Puttikins, my Himalayan cat clan. As Freyashawk, I write strategy guides for games. Time to write another novel for a writer can be a Valkyrie, creating warriors from her imagination that inspire people in the eternal battle between good and evil. Therein is the power I desire.
