Pain Management and Virtual Realities

(These three photographs are of Sunsets I have experienced, all in different locations, from the rather blighted neighbourhood in which I now live to the open seas and the Mediterranean.)


'Pain Management' is a fairly new concept but one that should have been implemented a century ago.  It is the last stage of a journey that has seen only failure at every other stop for patients who cannot be 'fixed' with surgical procedures or through other means.  It usually is reserved for individuals for whom there is no cure and thus will not be available until all other avenues have been exhausted.

Pain Management may have saved my life.  I went through almost a year of hell before I was given a referral and the pain and frustration of countless unsuccessful procedures as well as medications to which I had negative reactions (sometimes terrifying) had pushed me to the brink of despair.  If I had not had a child who depended upon me, I wonder if I could have maintained my hold upon sanity and life.  As it was, I finally was sent to a Pain Management physician.

Pain Management offers the recognition of every human being's right to live without pain or at least the right to manage that pain so that it is not unendurable.  It acknowledges that fact that pain is subjective and that every individual is different.  One person may shrug off the pain that causes another to weep uncontrollably. Like Lawrence in one of my favourite films, I can snuff out a flame with my fingers without any problem but the pain that lurks constantly within my bones and crackles along my neural pathways in a never-ending journey can be unbearable.  Part of the problem is the fact that my pain is not temporary but permanent.

At Pain Management, the physician's first statement threw me into despair, frankly.  He told me, 'You have to come to terms with the fact that you probably will be in pain for the rest of your life.'  I retorted, 'Thank you very much!  That's precisely what I needed to hear!'

He then explained that it was because of this that I had been sent to him and that the purpose of Pain Management was to make it possible for me to lead a life as free from that pain as he could make it.  Whether through medication, physical therapy or other procedures, the aim of Pain Management was enshrined in its name.  Our job together was to 'manage' the pain that was my constant undesired companion.  Instead of giving me false hope, he placed the facts before me and offered me the opportunity to make the best of a bad deal.  It actually WAS precisely what I needed to hear, after countless false promises from physicians, surgeons and the manufacturers of medications that were more likely to kill or cause permanent damage than to cure.

Long ago, years before Pain Management, I wrote poems about Pain as my true consort, one who had forced himself upon me, who raped me again and again and finally forced me to accept him as one who would be closer to the jugular than any human lover or spouse ever could be.  At that time, I did not realise that it was a prophecy.  I had thought it a temporary situation that a surgical procedure or other solution might fix.  As a girl who was introduced to severe cluster migraine headaches and terrible cramps at puberty, I was visited by pain at an early age.  Even before that, so-called 'growing pains' in my legs, which sound laughable to some, were my fate as they are for many children who grow too quickly.  I reached my ultimate height by the age of 10 and that accomplishment was negative for me in many ways,  Not only was I taller than most of the boys I knew but I was in terrible pain much of the time.  Nothing was done about that, nor about the rheumatic fever... ultimately one 'outgrew' both!

I never have liked running much but before I became disabled, I loved to walk.  In my early teens, I would walk to the beach before dawn each day to watch the sun rise and, perched upon my favourite outcrop of rocks, write in my journal before walking to school.  I always walked to and from school wherever I lived.  Not for me any other transportation.  It never was offered as an alternative but to be honest, except for some nasty early encounters on the old 'bridle path' that ran between one of our houses and the road that led to my school, I treasured those walks.  I loved Nature and still do.  The rising of the sun and birds, the fresh wind blowing from the ocean and even the early morning fog that often marked the first half of our day all delighted me.  The nasty little boy who exposed himself on the bridle path repeatedly and probably now is President of a local Bank (have to Google that one!) was a small price to pay for the freedom of being able to walk a mile to school.  (He actually was a schoolmate of mine but never a friend.  His actions therefore were disgusting and rather shocking but not as awful as those of the little boy who peed on my sister and I from the roof of his house when I was six years old!)

When I lived in Nepal, I walked to the Temple at dawn to watch the worshippers make their offerings and sacrifices.  When I lived in Southampton, I walked to University each day.  When I lived in London, I explored the city on foot and I did the same in Manhattan.   In particular, water and parks always attracted me.  Wherever I lived, I would try to find a destination that offered me a chance of communion with the waters.  In Manhattan, I walked to the East River almost daily as well as walking in the opposite direction to Central Park to visit 'my' Arctic Owl in the little old-fashioned Zoo there.

Not being able to walk properly has been almost as awful for me as the constant pain in which I live now.  I miss it terribly.  This has been a long, rambling preamble to the topic of 'virtual realities'.  It is these 'virtual realities' that now provide me with a facsimile of the experience that my real daily rambles provided before I became disabled.

Many people in my real life are a little contemptuous of gaming and the concept of virtual realities.  Whether it is 'serious' games or what is known as 'casual gaming', they fail to comprehend the attraction that games have for individuals in my position.

For me, it is another aspect of pain management but it can provide other positive effects for individuals who live in less than ideal circumstances.  When one is accustomed to large rooms and beautiful surroundings, living in a tiny room without any view can be depressing.  A farming simulation game can provide vistas that cannot be obtained otherwise at that stage in the individual's life.  Those who are trying to 'kick' an undesirable habit, whether it is overeating or smoking, often find games to be a positive distraction, keeping them from another journey to the kitchen or another smoke.

I almost immediately equated games like FarmVille, Fantasy Kingdoms and Family Farm with the idea of the 'Zen Garden'.  The repetitive acts of planting and harvesting are calming to the nerves and soothing to the spirit.  Moreover, even if the crops and fruits one obtains exist only in a virtual world, the act is a positive one.  One is interacting in a wholly positive fashion with the virtual Mother Goddess, Nature in all her glory and bounty.  What is the difference between lighting a candle at the altar of Our Lady and the act of harvesting a field of beautiful roses and carnations?  It is all in the heart of the individual who performs the act.  For me, it is an act of homage, of reverence and worship.  Whatever exists in farming simulation games is based upon something real.  Art imitates Life and a farming simulation game imitates one of the earliest exchanges of humanity with Nature.  It is the act of nurturing the land in order to share in its gifts.  For me, it is as close as I can come most of the time to the experiences I had when I had unfettered mobility in my real life.

This is a screenshot from Family Farm, a farming simulation game on Facebook.  Many 'farmers' use their land to grow as many crops as possible, as this increases their experience levels.  For me, though, games like this first and foremost have aesthetic significance and I try to create a landscape I enjoy, a place that will gladden my heart each time I visit.  Yes, I prefer the term 'visit' to the reality of 'logging on/in' to a game.

I love gardening but having moved frequently and having lived most of my adult life in large cities, I seldom had any opportunity to expeirence the joy of having a plot of land to tend.  It was only when I left Manhattan that I had a chance to plant trees and flowers and watch them grow.  Even after I became disabled, I struggled to maintain the garden until every one, including my physician, told me that it was counterproductive.  My pain levels always increased radically after any activity of that sort and I finally realised I was torturing myself, despite the joy that any interaction with the soil brought me.

These are Snowdrops I found in a local graveyard shortly after I moved here.  They were growing wild and I transplanted a few to my garden where they have multiplied over the years.  The Snowdrop always was one of my favourite flowers and its connection to the ancient Easter European Festival of Martisor delighted me.  It thrilled me to know that I had a few of these ancient harbingers of Spring in the garden.  I may not own this house but I was allowed to plant flowers and trees in a small garden that had been allowed to become a wasteland of ivy and weeds.

I planted a birch tree as well and marveled at its growth from a sapling to a strong, proud Goddess Tree.  It was upon the Birch Tree that George the Dragonfly left little messages and gifts for Freya when she was a child and upon the Goddess Tree that we tied the Martisor charms we made for one another.  Martisor was not a part of my own heritage but I believe in the universality of ancient festivals and rituals and it now has become a part of my own family's traditions.

I do not believe one should engage in virtual realities at the expense of real life but virtual realities can refuel the spirit and give one the energy one needs to confront unappealing or depressing facts.  They can provide the courage needed to 'soldier on' as it were.

Causes and Censorship

The virtual community/venue known as 'Facebook' or, more designated more charmingly as 'The Book of Faces' by my daughter is an interesting phenomenon for many reasons.  Unlike 'groups' or forums I visited in the early years of the internet, it embraces ALL things, including politics, social trends, gaming and simply gossip both public and private.

Many special interest groups as well as commercial advertisers piggyback on Facebook to reach a wide range of users.  One of the interesting aspects of Facebook is that 'Friendship' allows advertisers and political interest groups to target users it might not reach otherwise as one can have FB Friends who are quite the opposite of oneself in terms of social, economic, national and political affiliations.   Gaming in particular draws together individuals who ordinarily might not be 'Friends' for whatever reason.

The political interest groups involved in Facebook use, inter alia, a platform named 'Causes'.  One cannot participate in 'Causes' without giving the platform the right to post on ones own Timeline.  What this means is that ANY Friend can post a petition on MY Timeline unless I prohibit Causes completely from being part of my internet experience.  As Causes once in a blue moon has an active petition that I may wish to sign, I find myself in a position where I must monitor my Facebook page constantly in order to 'hide' petitions from other users that I do not wish to advertise, promote or sign.

It is here that I wish to make my position clear with respect to Censorship.  Many of the petitions circulating on Facebook deal with Censorship, pure and simple.  I personally am absolutely opposed to any sort of cruelty to Animals, but cannot espouse censorship of any kind.  Petitions that ask Facebook to remove a page or user because he/she/it promotes or accepts cruelty to Animals are advocating Censorship.  Cruelty to Animals and especially Animals particularly dear to my own heart may make me incandescent with rage, but I would be more inclined to mete out the same treatment to one who has been cruel to an innocent and helpless creature than ever to censor him or her.  (Fantasies of meting out a rude justice to a person who has been cruel to an Animal are nothing more than wishful thinking, by the way.  For better or worse,  I am not a Vigilante.)

I am a deeply spiritual individual and embrace a number of religious traditions to some extent, although organised religion for the most part frowns upon individuals who wish to worship in more than one Church/Mosque/Circle of Sacred Stones/Whatever.   On the other hand, I refuse to participate in witch-hunts against those who are irreligious or otherwise disrespectful of any religious belief, icon or 'sacred cow'.  I may find those people or attitudes personally repugnant but I would not sign any petition to censor any voice raised against religion.

This is not cowardice.  This is a matter of principle.  How can I expect to have the freedom to voice my opinion if I do not allow the same freedom to every one else?  The right to freedom of speech MUST be unequivocal and unrestricted or it is not true freedom of speech.  That is why I am diametrically opposed to the concept of 'political correctness' and 'hate crimes' based on name-calling.  A thorn by any other name is nonetheless a thorn.  Excrement is excrement whether you call it that or use a more basic term.  I do believe, however, that a person should possess the right to use ANY word or term, however pejorative.

If a crime of violence is committed, then action should be brought simply for that crime and not for any social or political attitude that might be inferred by any name-calling at the time the crime was committed.  If a man or woman commits murder, surely the punishment for that is sufficient.  Why should certain special interest groups or minorities be able to heap added punishment upon the perpetrator simply because he or she is considered a bigot or politically offensive by current standards?

Israeli law, for example, prohibits use of the term 'Nazi' to describe any Jew.  I would submit, humbly, that many official Israeli practices towards the Palestinians  are identical to those promoted by the Third Reich towards the Jews and other minorities.  Does Censorship improve human nature or somehow dispose of negative attitudes and actions?  Absolutely not.  What it promotes is inequality.  When a group of Black thugs commit assault towards a Caucasian and call him/her a 'Honky', the 'hate crime' legislation never goes into effect but should the positions be reversed, should a group of Caucasian thugs commit assualt towards a Black and call him/her a 'Nigger', it will be considered and prosecuted as a 'hate crime'.  Is this just?  Is this equality?  Is this even desirable?  Assault is an actionable crime.  I cannot see any justification really for making a crime against one sort of individual more heinous than it would be against another simply because of name-calling.  At the end of the day, name-calling is what fuels the ability to designate a crime as a 'hate crime'.  You can dress it up any way you like, but that is the truth.

I do not believe in discrimination by reason of race, religion, gender or creed or anything else, but I do not believe in Censorship or the concept of 'hate crimes' either.  It constitutes a sort of reverse discrimination in practice.  Furthermore, I do not think it acts as a deterrent of any kind, which means that its only effect is to give  a crime against a member of a special group a greater value than the same crime against an ordinary individual.

The Demise of the Fine Art of Editing

With the advent of the 'smartphone' and 'tablet', even more semi-literate individuals have joined the host of internet users and they often use their new capabilities to post comments on Facebook and even launch their own weblogs or join other forums where their views can be and are published regularly.

This is a wonderful social phenomenon actually.  It gives every one the potential to be a writer, social commentator, poet or critic of the arts, society, political realities or anything else beneath the Sun or Moon.  On the other hand, the ease with which any typed word can be published has brought any sort of standard of perfection in language or communication crashing down.  THAT is a tragedy and one that ultimately may have long-term consequences.

Another communication shortcut that is prevalent on the internet is that of copying and pasting the words, artwork or photograph of another.  Those who do not feel themselves up to the task of creating a witty epigram or incisive comment upon the state of the world often are able to find that their own views have been described quite aptly by some one else.  Another common motivation for publishing the art or words of another is the desire to entertain.  An amusing photograph or clever phrase may be shared over and over by various users of Facebook in the same way in what probably is an attempt to scatter sunbeams as widely as possible.

Once upon a time, even though writing required a great deal of effort, whether achieved through the use of an ink pen or typewriter,  most writers took some care to improve their initial thoughts and outpourings by editing them.  There were first draughts and second draughts and final versions of documents, whether non-fiction, prose fiction or poetry.  The 'art of writing' was given serious consideration by most individuals with any aspirations to have their work read by more than one recipient.

Now any one can publish a word or volume with a single click and ironically, although editing could be performed with far less effort than in pre-internet days, few individuals bother to improve their initial messages.  It is not simply a matter of spelling errors or poor grammar either.  The effects of instant publication are far more grievous in terms of social communication.  People often are thoughtless, cruel or nasty and even more often, simply devoid of common courtesy in their internet communications with others.  Despite the fact that the technology gives users far more time to improve their messages, most people post in haste to repent (or not) at leisure.

I am as guilty as any one else of carelessness in publishing without taking extra time to improve my posts or messages.  I suppose I justify it with a belief that, if I do not publish mu thoughts immediately, especially where this weblog is concerned, I probably never will do so at all.   Nonetheless, it is what an old friend of mine called 'diarrhea' writing at its worst: from the brain through the fingers without pausing to consider or weigh each word.

I should make a resolution to craft prose in the same judicious fashion as any serious poet, making every word count and reverberate not only with significance but with eloquent beauty.  Perhaps I shall... but then, will I ever publish another word or remain mute forevermore?

N.B.  Literacy isn't everything by any means.  There are many geniuses who lack the tools to be truly exceptional writers in terms of form or style but whose ideas are exceptional.

The Genius of 'Secretary'

I never imagined I would love a film about Male Dominance and a female submissive but 'Secretary' with James Spader is a delightful, quirky, utterly irresistible film.  It is a romance about two characters who are utterly at odds with normal, conventional society, who both suffer silently in their own isolated worlds but who manage to create an incredible bond.  It is highly entertaining while being extraordinarily erotic.  In short, it is brilliant.  James Spader in the role of Mr. Grey smoulders with repressed sexual appeal.

'Secretary' belongs in the same class  as 'The Extra Man' and 'Lars and the Real Girl'   All three are films about individuals who find a way that differs from the ordinary, who triumph over social alienation by demanding recognition of their own unique vision.  All three prove that self-respect can bloom in the most outlandish gardens.

Lord of the Rings and the Achilles' Heel of the Internet

Long ago, when Peter Jackson's 'Lord of the Rings' was new and we had made our pilgrimage to the cinema again and again to revel in the marvelous facsimile of Middle Earth he had brought to life, EA Games released both 'Two Towers' and 'Return of the King' to the Playstation 2 and other console systems.

With some games, cheat codes work from the start.  With 'Return of the King', the cheat codes only were set to operate IF and ONLY IF one first beat the game.  We did so together and saved the results to a Memory Card. 

Years later, with the release of 'The Hobbit', one yearned to return to the world of LoTR via the old PS2 games.  Much knowledge had been lost... or as Galadriel beautifully declared:  'Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.'    My combat skills were rusty and I certainly did not recall any of the codes for the game...

I therefore went to the internet sources, to IGN, Gamespot and even Wikipedia.  They ALL gave cheat codes for 'Return of the King', including the code for Invulnerability, aka 'God Mode'. 

In every Walkthrough or Cheat site, the code is given as:  Square, Circle, Square, Down.  One is told to pause the game after loading any level via the Start button and then, after holding down L1, L2, R1 and R2 simultaneously, to press the four buttons in the order given.

In those days, I had yet to publish any game guides.  I had sent a number of hints, corrections and tips for the GBA LoTR games to Gamespot when I discovered that no one had published them, but that was the extent of my strategy input to the internet pool of knowledge.  

I therefore did not have my own game guide at hand.  I thought that, as all sites gave the same directions, they would be accurate.  Well, the code for Invulnerability DOES NOT WORK!!!  How on earth could people submit guides or information to Wikipedia without testing the codes first???  It is this sort of outrageous lack of responsibility that inspired me originally to begin to write my own strategy guides.

Never mind that 'Return of the King' now is an old game made for a system that has been superceded by a newer one.  It remains a wonderful game and certainly one of the few that actually makes the player feel he/she has stepped into the world of Middle Earth as made manifest by Peter Jackson.  It was for that reason that I wished to play the game again but I did not wish to be burdened with the stress of risking death constantly.  I wished to walk through the levels with my health intact in order simply to experience them.  I had thought that existing internet guides would allow this, especially as we had beat the game years ago and saved the result.

At first I thought it might be a problem with the controller...  I then thought it might be a problem with the manner in which I had input the code.  An hour later, I began to try different variations on the given code and finally discovered that it had been copied again and again with one inaccurate direction.

The real code for God Mode or Invulnerability is:

Square, Circle, Square, UP.

Press the Start Button to pause the game after loading any level, then press down L1, L2, R1 and R2 simultaneously.  While those buttons remain depressed, enter: Square, Circle, Square, UP.

Your character will be invulnerable.

I always realised that 'facts' given solely on the internet were only as good as the person who submitted them.  It disturbs me when students, whether at school or university, use internet sources as their sole sources for research.  Too much is inaccurate, whether due to negligence or outright duplicity.

When I was a child, i wrote essays at school frequently that cited 'original sources' that I had invented.  I used Old English, Middle English, Old Norse and Medieval French as well as the spelling popular in every bigone era in the English language to create these so-called original sources.  They ranged from inscriptions carved on stones by Vikings to a private journal kept by Jean Lafitte.  I was astounded by the fact that not one teacher ever asked for any evidence whatsoever as to the actual existence of any of these 'sources'.  I certainly would have done so had I been in charge...

Well, the world is lazy or gullible.  How many people believed in George Bush's spurious claim of 'weapons of mass destruction' in the hands of Iraq prior to his invasion despite the fact that no such weapons existed?   How many people still swallow the 'official' version of the events that occurred on 11 September and that were the ostensible reason for the creation of the vague 'war on terror'? 

Those lies and half-lies have been responsible for the deaths and suffering of millions.  The inaccurate code given for the PS2 'Return of the King' game may be responsible only for the frustration of an unspecified number of players who wished to achieve Invulnerability and were unable to do so.  Nevertheless, I cry 'Shame' upon all the sites that are willing to publish guides that are inaccurate as well as the writers of said guides who obviously take information from other sources and copy and paste it into their own work without ever troubling to discover if it is correct or not.

The Corruption of American Practices in Medical Insurance

Some one I know who only has begun to acquire significant medical bills since he had a heart attack a few years ago now is involved constantly in absurd battles with the hospitals and doctors over the costs of every procedure.   He only discovered the truth after he questioned a bill related to the heart attack that seemed utterly exorbitant, and it required hours on the telephone with many different agents both of the hospital and of the insurance carriers before he was able to uncover the mechanisms that control the cost of any procedure or hospital visit.  Now he questions all the bills he receives but the cost in time and energy is tremendous.  How many other patients even realise how corrupt the system is?

Here is an example of the way HMOs and insurance companies operate in tandem with the hospitals and big medical practices in the States:

The patient had a regularly scheduled 'stress test' in October.  Now, months later, he received a bill from the Hospital demanding $105.00 as HIS financial responsibility.

On the bill, the total cost of the procedure was given as $2100.00.  Of this, Medicare was the first insurance company/carrier to pay and Aetna the second.  The actual amounts paid by each respectively were not shown on the bill.

The patient rang the hospital to discover why he was being charged $105.00 when evidently, his two insurance carriers had paid over two thousand dollars for a simple stress test.

The first hospital agent gave him no specifics whatsoever, telling him he would have to ring Aetna for information.  He insisted that she should tell him the actual figures as the bill was from the hospital where she worked.  She first asked:  'Is there some one else in the house to whom I could speak?'

He retorted:  'You mean some one more intelligent?'

Ultimately, she fetched a supervisor who was more forthcoming.  Here are the actual facts:

Although the purported cost of the procedure was given as $2100.00, Medicare and the hospital worked out a different total that was about $510.00.  Of this, Medicare paid almost $400.00.  The bill of the remainder of $110.00 was then sent to Aetna as the secondary insurance carrier.  Aetna paid a princely total of $5.00.    The patient pays $300.00 per month to Aetna, incidentally.  As Aetna was unwilling to pay more than $5.00, a bill for the balance of $105.00 was sent to the patient.

This is not unusual at all.  Hospital procedures and visits are given outrageous costs officially THAT NEVER ARE PAID BY ANY ONE.  When Medicare receives the bill, a new total is negotiated or accepted by both parties.  The patient, however, never sees the TRUE cost of the procedure but receives a bill that declares the original outrageous cost to be the actual cost.  The percentages paid by his/her insurance carriers never are itemised either.  Only the balance due AFTER all insurance payments have been made is shown to the patient.

This is only one small example of the way an entire Nation is being held hostage by the medical profession, insurance companies and HMOs.

A wonderful book was written on the subject of 'Formularies' and how corrupt the HMOs are with respect to the pharmaceuticals actually covered...  The agents often make deals with one pharmaceutical company accepting ALL the drugs made by that firm and rejecting those made by competitors.   This is why one insurance carrier or HMO may cover a product like the Lidoderm patch, for example, and another will not cover it.  The book was fiction in the form of a murder mystery by John Lescroart but the information with respect to the common practices of the HMOs in the States was factual in nature.

'The Oath' by John Lescroart is a book that any one in the States with any desire to know how his/her insurance works would do well to read:

The Oath by John Lescroart

Once upon a time, doctors charged reasonable fees for their services and hospitals were not huge corporations.  Now the patient seldom ever even knows the actual cost of services rendered or prescriptions filled.  There are so many layers of deceit and so many negotiations between third parties involved in even the most simple office visit that it is almost impossible for an individual to discover what anything will cost in advance.

It is past time for this corrupt system to be overturned.  Sweeping reforms need to be made in the field of medicine.

The Pickle and the Evergreen

Perhaps my fascination with this topic has some deep psychological roots, but I rather suspect it is part and parcel of a lifelong obsession with magic and folklore.  As a young girl, I read every book about magic that I could find and performed all the rituals that had been pieced together by modern Wiccans and other 'practitioners' of magic.  Most of them were NOT effective, but my soul thrills to beautiful rituals and ancient mysteries and the study therefore was kind of an end in itself.

The more I read about the ancient mystery religions, the more convinced I become that the tradition of the Evergreen at the time of the Winter Solstice may be one of the most ancient.  Joseph Campbell is known for his work in comparative mythology but his fame spread because of his use of contemporary technology and his television series as much as for the books that he wrote.  In fact, he simply republished the work of other comparative mythologists for the most part, although his own particular brand of faith gave his own work a vibrancy and almost missionary quality that some one like Sir James Frazer lacked.  Robert Graves in 'The White Goddess' demonstrated a similar fervour, but his stemmed more from his passion for the 'muse' for whom he wrote the book than any spiritual roots.  He adored words and 'The White Goddess' is a bizarre but fascinating exercise in words and an effort to relate letters and sounds from various ancient languages to a universal mystical alphabet and dictionary of his own creation.  Joseph Campbell attempted to divide religion into those embraced by nomadic/hunter societies and those of agrarian/settled societies.  His work was brilliant and resulted into a number of gorgeous 'coffee table' books but ultimately was too simplistic to have any true application to the religions and traditions that have survived into the contemporary world.  When it comes right down to it,  in ancient eras, many of the nomadic/hunter societies invaded and conquered the settled agrarian people and their own traditions and beliefs intermingled and resulted in a fusion of both.

The tradition of the Yule Tree is an excellent example of the marriage of a number of diverse beliefs and religions.  Western Christianity with the symbolism of Christ hanging on the Cross is one of the most potent but this partly is due to the fact that it represents one of the most ancient cycles of sacrifice, death and rebirth.

In the myths of ancient Egypt, Osiris was murdered (or sacrificed) and his body was cut into a ritual number of pieces and fed to the waters.  All pieces except for his phallus were recovered and placed in a coffin that floated up to Lebanon where it was embraced by a Tree, becoming part of the Tree.

In the old Canaanite myth cycle of Baal and Mot, the God Mot is cut into pieces and placed in a winnowing fan.  He is winnowed like grain and planted in the soil ultimately in the same way that the human sacrificial victims in ancient India were cut into a specific number of pieces, consumed partly by the village and then planted in the field to bring fertility to the land.

In ancient Egypt, the grain would be reaped, cut with sickles, then placed into large nets and carried between two poles to the threshing floor.  Cattle then would trample the stalks to separate the ears from the straw (or grain from the chaff).  The workers then would scoop the grain, throw it into the air, allowing the husks or chaff to be blown away by winds generated by winnowing fans.

In the religion of Attis, the male member of the God was cut off and nailed to a Pine Tree where it was worshipped and adored.  The Tree was cut down and carried in processions.  Devoted worshippers would castrate themselves and fling their male parts into the lap of the Goddess Mother who had given birth to the God Attis.  The Tree would be taken underground into a cave where it reposed for three days.  On the third day, a procession would go to the cave where they would cry: 'He is risen!' and bring forth the God's image, nailed to the trunk of the Tree.

In the sacred mysteries of the Great Goddess Demeter, the essential Mystery resided in a basket and would be shown to worshippers in a secret ceremony.  What lay within the liknon or basket?  It had to be the male member of the God which would have been prepared in a special fashion so that it never would decay.  What is a Pickle but a green cucumber that has been preserved in a special way with Salt, a symbol of Life itself?   Moreover, Green is the colour of Life and thus, the cucumber is found in many cultures and civilisations as an object of special significance.

In Japan, the traditional offering to the Kappa, a spirit of the waters, is a cucumber on which a wish or wishes have been engraved.  Thus, from East to West, a 'perfect offering has been made' in the form of a cucumber or other green vegetable as a substitute for the actual male member.

The mythological significance of the coloured glass balls that have been traditional Christmas Tree ornaments throughout the modern era and indeed as long as Christmas Trees have been a part of Western civilisation is obvious.  They are the vessels in which the 'seed' of the God reposed.  The mistletoe is another Christmas tradition that speaks eloquently of the male contribution to the act of creation.

Fundamentalists love to point to the 'pagan' roots of many holiday traditions with horror, denouncing them as evil or somehow alien to Christianity and yet, it is more than possible that Christ was a follower of Dionysus and that his mother was a priestess of the cult.  Whether or not this was the case (and the entire life of Christ is shrouded in mystery), the fact of the matter is that ancient rituals are part of the collective unconscious and when a religion embraces them rather than repudiating them, that religion gains in validity.  There are reasons why traditions survive from age to age and culture to culture.  Some symbols are fundamental to the psyche and the power within them cannot be denied.

The birth of the God at the time of the Winter Solstice affirms the cycle of life, death and rebirth and is a symbol of Hope.  The Crucifixion is the Sacrifice that is necessary ultimately to allow the God to be reborn at Christmas.  Jesus himself declared: 'Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple' and spoke more than once of the need to die in order to be reborn.  It is the way of Nature that many plants must die in order to be reborn at another season.  The fact though that Christ spoke of a 'cross' which is the Tree upon which the ancient religions of Attis and Adonis were centred is another compelling piece of evidence in the theory that he was himself a follower of one of those ancient mystery religions.

Last year, after Freya and her best friend Kait made a series of references in jest to a Christmas Tree that would be trimmed with phallic symbols, I found some glass pickles and added one to our Tree.  This year, when I placed the glass pickle in the very centre of the Tree, close to the Trunk, I thought about the ancient mystery religions as I did so.  A green glass pickle may not be the most beautiful of ornaments but it possesses a potent significance and I have every intention of making it an integral permanent part of the Yuletide celebrations.