Now that my daughter is at University and no longer living with me, I can see the fault lines in our family traditions. I see the advantages, never experienced personally, of marrying within one's own culture and religion. I wanted to go to Mass this morning but no one would accompany me or even take me to Church. I was reminded of poor Mum in 'Mother and Son' when she sits disconsolately by the door in coat and hat on Christmas Eve, alternately begging, cajoling and threatening her son in the attempt to get to Church on the 'one day that matters'. He, of course, had planned a Christmas party with his friends...
Having written that, I have to admit that my daughter and I did go to Mass on Christmas Eve together, but she feels that is the sum total of her duty to the 'Birthday Boy' during the Christmas season. There were times in my life when I went to Mass every morning. When I was on a cruise this past Spring on the Queen Mary 2, I did attend Mass every morning for a month on the ship. Things like that do become more precious when opportunities are limited. I no longer can drive, so could not go to Mass on a daily basis here unless I had friends or family who did so as well. I do have neighbours next door who are R.C. and attend Mass fairly religiously (ha ha!) but they sent me a text at the last moment last night to say they were going to the Saturday evening Mass instead of their usual early morning Sunday Mass. Not being terribly attached to my cellphone and being involved in the preparation of dinner as well at that time, I did not even see the text message until the time was long past.
This all made me wonder what it would have been like had I married a Roman Catholic. There was a big part of me that did not want to create a family where dogma dictated belief and faith. Even though my daughter attended parochial school, she attended madrasah at the local mosque as well. Her father was a Lutheran who never set foot in a church except when he was courting me and acting as though Mass were an exciting venue for a romantic date. As a consummate salesman, he was able to convince me easily of almost anything he wished. It was only after I told him I was having his child that he underwent a profound sea change in personality and behaviour.
Be that as it may, by sending my daughter both to a Roman Catholic parochial school and Islamic madrasah, I set myself up for the situation that now exists. She wrote a long paper for a class at university about her childhood and upbringing, in the course of which she thanked me, her mother, for giving her the freedom and ability to choose her own faith. So be it. I cannot deny that I am glad she is an individual who is willing to question every authority. I could not bear it if she blindly followed any creed or political philosophy. At the same time, I wish she would go to Mass with me more often.
Most Roman Catholics actually would not accept my own religious creed. I tend to think of myself as a Pagan Catholic because I am closer to the Celtic Catholics in my beliefs than I am to any traditional, strict organised representation of the Church. I cannot believe that any true infinite deity could care less how, where or when we pray. I believe that the rules and regulations are there only to help US and have absolutely no bearing on God or our standing with the Deity/Deities. Why would any Deity of any significance BOTHER with petty rules and regulations?
I love the traditional Mass. I think that two thousand years have created an interactive poem that is extremely potent both in magic and the ability to touch the soul. I love the traditional Hymns and Carols. At the heart of the Mass is Holy Communion and I agree with a Monsignor who declared long ago that every one ought to be able to partake in the sacred mystery, that the sole requirement should be the desire to share in the sacred mystery that transforms ordinary wafers or bread into the Body of Christ.
At the same time, I love Salat and the sacred mysteries of Islam, especially those of the Shia. I think that I have been very privileged to have had the opportunity to participate in the rites of Muharram, to follow the coffin of the Imam weeping, to be tied to the alam carried by Abbas. Again, lack of transportation is what ended that participation. I know that many members of the mosque would not want me to participate if they knew that I celebrated the Roman Catholic Mass as well, but I believe human beings are wrong to dictate where spiritual traditions and rituals are concerned. Every sacred mystery in any religion has a magic of its own and the ability to ennoble us.
Unfortunately, if I had married a Shia, he probably would have tried to prevent me from setting foot in any Roman Catholic Church and certainly would not have approved of my participationi in the Mass. If I had married a Roman Catholic, he probably would not have wanted his daughter to attend Islamic Madrasah. In either case, my daughter probably would have been far more rigid in her beliefs.
Thus, the loneliness I experience in terms of the religious aspects of Christmas. I brought it upon myself to some extent. I have to admit as well that, in the same way that 'stolen sweets are sweetest', the fact that I have no means of transport to the Church makes the Mass far more precious to me. If I still could drive, I wonder if I would attend Mass on a daily basis. I certainly did not do so when I had a car and ability to drive.
Christmas may be primarily the celebration of the birth of Christ but the traditions of Saint Nicholas or Santa Claus or Father Christmas are extremely important to me. Again, it is tradition and ritual that make any festival special for me. Christmas Eve Mass must share prominence with the trimming of the Tree, the Advent Candles, the wreath on the door, the hanging of the stockings on Christmas Eve and note to Santa or Father Christmas, along with an offering of sweets and eggnog (milkshake in our house!). Christmas Crackers are an integral part of the festival as well. Without the popping of the Cracker, the silly paper crowns, the shoddy little prize and the joke that must be read aloud, Christmas would be incomplete.
So... to share this year's Christmas Cracker joke:
What do elves learn in school?
Answer: The elf-abet.
